What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 00:33
So, i spoilt her more .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Any straight men had a gay experience in the past? What was it and how did you feel?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I have no regrets .
Are Indian youths conservative or liberal?
So whats the point in blame.
She wouldn,t have been !
I was scared of men, in general
Is there an MBTI personality that is more or less likely to handle stress?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
(And it was in our own minds.)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
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Especially a lifetime of it.
He resisted the act ,that day.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Why are Americans obese? Is it the food or is it the psychology?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
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One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
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And who doesn’t know suffering?
I write beautiful poetry .
But it wasn’t much.
What is something you want to "get off your chest"?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
What is your daily motivation and does it work?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
How can I get my ex-husband to love me again?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One cannot live in the past .
Which bands became massively popular for covering songs rather than recording originals?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was 9 years of age.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Comes on , in middle age.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Im still living with it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I never cut or harmed myself..
But, we were locked up after school.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I don,t even have a pension.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Why did i forgive my father ?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
All the time i was locked up.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
When she asked me how she looked .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was very sick at this time too.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
What did i know ?
I was seconnd youngest,
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She loved him until the end.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We were not on the streets..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
This is soul school!.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My family never makes their pension either.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I said to her
She found it foreign!.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And i lived it daily.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
It was going to be , some day.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I will be 64.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She married twice! .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Would this be the day?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As i do to all so called friends.?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He knew the spot.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I think the readers, may guess!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Put me off passion for life!!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We all went to grammer schools
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Who then, do I blame.?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Ive learnt so much.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She was in good health!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My life is so biszare .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I waited trembling.